Unwanted Spanking

I've agreed to meet T tonight again for a punishment spanking. I did not want to. Not because I don't like or trust him, but just because I don't feel that sort of connection to him... especially after I've been talking to these other boys.

But I kind of like the fact that I'm not excited. Because there's a different sense of dread there... it's not like a "Oh my God, I'm going to be spanked! I'm so excited!" feeling. It's more like, "I really don't want to be punished tonight." Which seems more "real," especially since there is absolutely no sexual aspect to this dread at all.

I imagine it sort of like those spanking videos where the girls get spanked instead of going to jail. I'm getting this spanking whether I truly "want" it or not... and in this case, I really don't. But I'm going to get it because I agreed to meet him.

Maybe this time, I'll feel more repentant.

(But my God, I'm really scared of that bath brush, I really am.)