I asked her what would be her perfect husband, perfect boyfriend. She talks her away around it a lot, but basically she wants someone to fix her, to rescue her. Someone stable, intelligent, and gentle. And equal. A sweet guy. A nerd. Her childhood stories are horrifying. Her mother was (and still is) an extremely manipulative, emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive bitch... there are no words to describe the type of abuse and torment she has given to her children. So my friend has some of the symptoms of someone who has been through that, but also, not really. And I guessed a long time ago that she had been molested as a child; I was right. But she's as vanilla as vanilla can be. One time, a random hook-up tried to spank her with a belt, and she said it was painful, unpleasant, and humiliating. She prefers missionary position. She doesn't masturbate because she can't get off on fantasy or imagination. A physical person must be there to turn her on.
I can say I haven't been through a third of what she has been through... and yet my kink level is through the roof. How does that work? I have always considered myself pretty well-versed in psychology. I know people react differently to the same circumstances. So it is not to say that my friend is totally stable. She is very fucked up and emotionally troubled in many other ways. But sexually, she is "normal."
She asked me what my perfect husband would be.
I said someone who is aggressive, but nice. She doesn't understand about spanking, not in the least, so I couldn't really explain what I meant by that.
"Yeah, I get what you're saying," she said. "You want a manly man. Someone who isn't all cuddly and romantic all the time."
Yes, it's something like that. You could put it that way.
Did I mention I'm also a huge nerd? I told her Hugh Jackman is perfect, especially Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. But without the actual claws and stuff.
"Yeah, but isn't he a little scary?" she asked me.
Um, yeah, isn't that great?
"What's with you and all your scary manly men, Wolverine and Christian Bale, especially." (Christian Bale is also pretty high up there in my "Freebie List.")
"I think they're hot."
"I think you just want to get your ass beat."
Lol. I know she meant it in a domestic violence kind of way, but that's not what my mind was thinking.