Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Dangerous games

I'll be moving deeper south in a few days for a new job. I am not thrilled about it, but my best friend says it'll be cool, "like in 'True Blood.'" I've never seen that show but I have seen "The Walking Dead," and maybe I'll meet a Norman Reedus look-alike!

I'd like to attribute my lack of enthusiasm for spanking on stress but I think another big component is that I'm interested in a wider range of things right now. It's not that spanking is a simplistic act... it's just as complicated and psychological as other forms of S&M, but at the moment, it feels very mild. I thought that the cure for that was being hurt more, with more force, more pain, more everything. But that's not it either.

So I've been trying to imagine what a perfect scenario would be, what exactly it is that I want. Obviously, tastes will evolve, preferences will change... I know that physical pain and some element of fear and danger are the two things that turn me on. I don't like this localized sense of pain that spanking involves, the necessity of compliance. Yes, you can kick and struggle but ultimately, being spanked is a submissive act and it's wholly consensual.

It's not that I'm looking to do anything non-consensual, though. I don't know what I want. I don't like the set-up of scenarios in general... how it's "real" but also a game. It's supposed to be serious but it's also a form of play. How safewords and caution are always involved. But I know this is all illogical thinking also. If there weren't constraints and rules and consent, then all of this would be actual torture. But still... I can't help but want something more.

In other news, I've been planning the interior design for my new apartment these past couple of days and it is lots of (fun) work. I wish I owned more furniture though... I am secretly trying to make my living room look like the inside of a 1920s brothel because it'll be sexy, but my mom is absolutely opposed to red or dimmed lighting because she says it looks "whore-y." I know!! That's the point!!

I don't have any fear about living alone, although I hope that I won't be bored. There isn't much to do in that tiny little town, except maybe have sex and smoke meth.


  1. The more southern you go, the less it looks like Walking Dead and True Blood (Based in Louisiana) and the more it looks like Deliverance. I'm a Georgia boy, and it doesn't get much more southern than that :) (Unless you go to Alabama, then ...God help you)

    1. Grrrr I'll be about an hour away from Alabama, but still in GA... and yes, it most certainly does look like something out of Deliverance :p

    2. Wow. The Georgia/Alabama border? Even an hour away? Alabama is 3 hours away from me and I am afraid that they'll wander that far in a zombie apocalypse.

  2. Wow, America seems really interesting.. and I love the idea of your room setup. I've always wanted to do a similar structure before but I can't really find anything around here :P

  3. To me it's about finding someone who cares enough to do the deed when I need/deserve it. Consent or not.